Funny Phrases

Guy in movie: "...I would give my right arm to hear my son say that to me."
Joshua: "Wooooow........then he'd be a lefty!"

Me: "I'm gonna go sulk in a corner now!"
Philip: "I'll see you there."

hahaha. I'm sure those were funnier when they actually happened, but I thought I'd share them with whoever still reads this :-).

Also, random comment. I really admire people who bring God into a conversation and relate Him to everyday life. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I'm reminded every time someone does, and I know I want to marry a guy who does.

"Everything happens for a reason."

The motto that Daniel lives by. And tonight we were both amazed at the working of God, and now, no matter what happens, we are so thankful for the break-up. I know that sounds crazy, and it certainly was not fun to do. But we trusted in the Lord, and He showed us just how...good the break-up was. One thing was that we both have the tendancy to let things fly because we just can't break up with someone. It was like a test for both of us to see if we would listen to God and go through with it. I started it, but God required him to finish it. It was amazing. And then, come to find out as I inquired whether Daniel thought it may someday work out, and he didn't know, and said he'd send me an e-mail about why he didn't think it would: turns out that we had both been keeping "complaints" to ourselves. There were things about him and me that we didn't think we could spend our lives ignoring. So he wrote this e-mail about all these things about me that he had come to the conclusion that he couldn't live with (which sounds like a mean thing to do, sort of, but he didn't write the e-mail like that). And, wow, it was like, all my questions were answered. So I called him and I basically said, "Whether this works out or not, I know I need to work on these things, because if I don't marry you, I'm gonna marry someone a lot like you. Because, I know I might kind of like a guy who has a tender heart and a personality like mine, the guys I really respect, and admire and follow are guys like you." And went on to explain why, no matter what happened between us in the future, we needed to work through these things because they are things we both need to work on, and we both need to work on talking about things like this, because no relationship will last if we don't know how to work through things like that. So we talked on the phone for about 2 1/2 to 3 hours last night/this morning talking about everything in the e-mail and all that fun stuff. It was awesome. You know, the one amazing thing about the way things went, is that we did manage to become great friends and that's something we'll both hold onto. And then this morning I read Psalm 34. Wow! I am just...God has just blown me away these past couple of days. You know when you do something for Him, whether it's share the gospel with a friend or stranger or break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you really want to see the good come out of it? Yeah, I've gotten to experience that, and the blessings that have flowed are just...neverending. It's a humbling reminder that God does bless us for obedience, and He does have a purpose for allowing us to go through pain. I've seen it. Anyway, this was the Psalm:

I will bless the LORD at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;

The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the LORD with me,

And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the LORD, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out,

and the LORD heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the LORD

encamps all around those

who fear Him,

And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD

is good;

Blessed is the man who trusts

in Him!

Oh, fear the LORD, you His

saints!

There is no want to those who

fear Him.

The young lions lack

and suffer hunger;

But those who seek the LORD

shall not lack any good thing.

Come, you children, listen to

me;

I will teach you the fear of the

LORD.

Who is the man who desires

life,

And loves many days,

that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil,

And your lips from speaking

deceit.

Depart from evil and do good;

Seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the LORD are on the

righteous,

And His ears are open to their

cry.

The face of the LORD is against

those who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of

them from the earth.

The righteous cry out,

and the LORD hears,

And delivers them out of all their troubles.

The LORD is near to those who

have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a

contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the

righteous,

But the LORD delivers him

out of them all.

He guards all his bones;

Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked,

And those who hate the

righteous shall be

condemned.

The LORD redeems the soul of

His servants,

And none of those who trust in

Him shall be condemned.

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God." (Psalm 42:11 &43:5)

oh gaul

Broke two hearts and still no peace. In fact, I want to undo everything I did and tell that boy I love him...gaul am I just impatient? Probably. Or I'm dying to do some things on impulse like others tell me I should, but then I'm afraid of doing some major damage if I don't think things through first.

It's not fair

I broke two hearts last night.
God, I'm so lost right now. He was such an answer to prayer, and vice versa, or so we thought, but my doubts never went away, and in the Bible it's written than one who doubts should not suppose they'll receive anything from You. So I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do last night.

God, what's going on? Please, I'm begging You to tell me one way or the other. I know You don't have to, but please, I need to know I did the right thing, because no aspect of this situation says "Right Thing" to me. I feel aweful, and cruel. Did I make a mistake in the beginning? Daniel says everything happens for a reason, but if this relationship wasn't meant to be, why does his heart have to be right in the middle of my selfish actions?

I could've spared him pain. It was in my hands to shield him, to protect him. Now I feel so helpless.

Father, please, You know what I want so badly to know. And I need to know from You, because everyone else way back when, thought that I should hold my breath and jump in. They said I was just too paranoid of doing something wrong, and I needed to start taking chances. But I should've gone with my desires that no chance is worth taking at another's expense unless absolutely necessary. Daniel knew I was worried about hurting him, but I think he thought I got over that. Now he knows why I was stressing about it. Now he knows what confusions I'm going through, and now we're not together anymore because of it. God, Please, let me know either that I did the right thing or that You changed Your mind.

And God, Daniel deserves the absolute best that You can possibly give him. Please don't let him settle because he, like me, believes that any couple can make it together, as long as they keep their eyes on You and they're both dedicated to making it work. Your will is the only thing that can keep us apart, all other differences and troubles can be worked out as long as we're both willing. Everything is up to You. But I realized that I cannot play games with his heart; as long as there are doubts in my mind, I cannot commit, no matter how much I want to. Your will be done. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Broken heart, one more time

Pick yourself up, why even cry?

Broken pieces in your hands

You wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, you pray

"This can't be the way"

You cry, you say,

"Something's gotta change.

And mend this porcelain heart

Of mine"

Someone said a broken heart

Would sting at first then make you stronger

You wonder why this pain remains

Were hearts made whole just to break?

You know, you pray,

"This can't be the way"

You cry, you say,

"Something's gotta change.

And mend this porcelain heart

Of mine."

Creator, only You take brokeness

And create it into beauty once again

You know, you pray,

"This can't be the way"

You cry, you say,

"Something's gotta change.

And mend this poreclain heart

Of mine."

Creator

Mend this heart

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

One year ago yesterday (all of 15 minutes), Lucky decided to disappear. Work had gone on as usual, and we closed too late to make it to the special 7-24 Valentine's Day dinner at RBC. I had made chocolate cookies out of cake mix, and put 5 or 6 hear-shaped red-hots on each one, and gave each employee (counting my boss) a plastic-wrapped package of two cookies. Lucky said it felt weird, because it was the first Valentine's Day he hadn't done anything of any sort -- even hang out with friends.

This year, I had special plans for Valentine's Day for the first time in my life. And it was grand, let me tell you; but I can honestly say I've never experienced a Valentine's Day that wasn't. I learned young that complete singleness is a gift that shouldn't be wished away. I decided to make Valentine's Day a good day no matter what, and besides that, the past few I've known the Lord as my Valentine, which left no void to be filled.

Today, Daniel and I were supposed to go to Nashville, TN, but due to weather conditions we couldn't go. So then (as told by Daniel), he had to think up a "Plan B". So at 10PM Tuesday night he called and asked to speak to one of my parents, and he presented my dad with "Plan B": Take a train to Pittsburg, have lunch, and come back. Dad said, "No, keep her near-by this time, some other day you can go somewhere else." So, then, not even having had a "Plan B" originally, he now had to think up a "Plan C"! Daniel said, "So this is how my mind works: Airplane!..Nope, can't do that....Train!...But nope, can't do that either......Boat!" Haha, so where'd we end up? In D.C. on the Spirit of Washington for a dinner cruise. And it was a lot of fun, and every table had a bouquet of 6 red roses for the lady, and a...what are those glasses called? The ones you get to take home from those kinds of things -- they put special alcoholic drinks in them. Anyway, two of those for each to take home. And the dinner came with a bottle of champaigne...and they don't check for ID...it was tempting to go ahead and drink it, but I settled for two sips to taste it because I wasn't at home. The cruise went from 6:30 to 10PM, and the dinner was salad, rolls, buffet, and dessert. Oh, and there was a show and then dancing.

And now I really need to get to bed. Goodnight.

The next song I'd like to perform...

...and a message to all who think that I have not and/or am not listening nor can tell that I've been changing. And the message I'd like to go with this song?

Pay not attention to how many times I fall, but count you the times I stand back up and press on.

Go ahead and take your best shot

Let 'er rip, give it all you've got

I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before

I may stumble, yeah I may fall

I'm only human, but aren't we all?

I may lose my way

But hear me when I say

I will stand back up

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough

Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough

But I'll stand back up

I've been beaten up and bruised, yeah

I've been kicked right off my shoes

Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe

And when the darkness tries to get me

There's a light that just won't let me (Jesus)

It might take my pride,

And tears may fill my eyes

But I'll stand back up

I've weathered all these storms

But I just turn them into wind so I can fly

If what don't kill you makes you stronger

When I take my last breath

That's when I'll just give up

So, go ahead and take your best shot

Let 'er rip, give it all you've got

You might win this round, but you can't keep me down

'Cause I'll stand back up

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough

Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough

But I'll stand back up

You'll know just the moment that I've had enough

Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough

But I'll stand back up

I know I say negative things. Really negative things. And I might even feel like they're true. But, unlike before, I know it's just a feeling that will pass away. I know I don't always say stupid things, and I know that it doesn't matter when I do, unless it hurts someone else unecessarily (and even then it's no use to spend my life punishing myself for those times). I know I'm not useless, and I know I'm not a complete failure, and that it's ok when I am (no one is good at everything, although sometimes it seems like it :-)). But sometimes I just need to say what I'm feeling. And if you observe me you'll see how quickly my feelings change. I know that if I feel like a loser one night, I'll wake up praising God for another day and I'll feel like a winner. Sometimes I need to cry to feel better -- even if it's over something so small it doesn't matter except in the moment. But I'm a stubborn girl and I refuse to be walked on, and besides that I've got the good Lord keeping me in check. He's the only one who can help me see the uselessness of petty self-pity parties, because He's never wrong, and I know He knows what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling that way, and how to get me out of it.

Love decides to love on

So, I've brought up this question to a few people, and I kind of brought it before everyone who reads this blog, but nobody answered it. Perhaps it was confusing. The question is: Does God really have a specific person in mind that He wants us to marry? Because you know, it can be reasoned that if there is, then it shouldn't be wrong to divorce from the "wrong" person, right? But in Malachi (?)2 it says that the Lord hates divorce, and in 1 Corinthians 7 that a woman is not to depart from her husband, and if she does that she should remain single or be reconciled to her husband. And also that if a divorced person marries another, they have committed adultery. So, what about those people who marry "the wrong person"? Is there really a "wrong person"?

In a previous Bible study at The Office (as I have come to refer to my work place), Preston (the other trainer) mentioned that God's ultimate gift to us -- the greatest thing He could ever give us, is a relationship with Him. Although even non-Christians receive good things in this life we live on earth, they don't necessarily have the ultimate good thing, the greatest thing we could ever ask for. And also, God has made us "without excuse" (Romans 1:20) in the way of knowing that He exists and is, in fact, the Creator of the Universe; perhaps He also made us without excuse in the aspect of marriage and divorce.

Let me explain that one as well: I recently read a book called Personality Plus. It breaks personalities into four basic groups. Now, that doesn't mean people are as easy to master as "1-2-3" but it helps you to understand why a certain person may speak, act, or respond a certain way, and how you can help yourself to grow and how you can do a better job at getting along with all kinds of people. God has given us all the ability to get along with everyone, the problem is really in the hearts of all people. You need to learn how to change yourself for the better, and how to accept and help and understand other people better, and they in turn need to decide to change themselves as well as needed. So, God has made us without excuse -- it is possible to work out any marriage. We are without excuse -- if a marriage doesn't work, it is because one of the two decided it wasn't going to work, not because they married the "wrong person".

So, in conclusion: perhaps there is no "wrong person" after all; if you devote yourselves to honoring your vows, take them seriously--think about separating from a spouse as if you were trying to stop being a brother or sister to your siblings-- and seek to obey the Lord and not depart from your spouse, you can make the marriage work, and God will honor your obedience. But, if you wait on the Lord's timing, wait for the that "Mr./Mrs. Right", it will be so much better.

I give my life

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior

I know for sure

All of my days are held in Your hands

Crafted into Your perfect plan

You gently call me into Your presence

Guiding me by

Your Holy Spirit; teach me dear LORD,

To live all of my life through Your word

I'm captured by Your holy calling

Set me apart, I know You're drawing

Me to Yourself

Lead me, LORD, I pray

Take me, mold me,

Use me, fill me;

I give my life to

The Potter's hands

Hold me, guide me

Lead me, walk beside me;

I give my life to

The Potter's hands

Oh, Lord, I love You, help me to praise You, and follow You, and know that even though some things seem to be going so slowly it's all in Your hands. You are using this seemingly out-of-the-way job to get me exactly where You want me.

Oh, God, I love You, I love You, that's all I can say right now. I wish I could hug You so much! Will I get to hug You in heaven? I know You're glorious, and it seems that no one can even come near You, You're so holy...I guess I'll find out someday how "holy" and "father" can mix perfectly.

I feel like I'm 10 feet off the ground right now. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was You through the movie, maybe it was You through the hug. Ok, I think I'm ready for bed now :-), I just had to get all that out. Lord, please don't let this feeling die. I know I can't always live off of feelings, but this is a mighty good one, one I've only felt with You. Anyway, bed, yeah...goodnight, LORD, I love You.