It's not fair

I broke two hearts last night.
God, I'm so lost right now. He was such an answer to prayer, and vice versa, or so we thought, but my doubts never went away, and in the Bible it's written than one who doubts should not suppose they'll receive anything from You. So I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do last night.

God, what's going on? Please, I'm begging You to tell me one way or the other. I know You don't have to, but please, I need to know I did the right thing, because no aspect of this situation says "Right Thing" to me. I feel aweful, and cruel. Did I make a mistake in the beginning? Daniel says everything happens for a reason, but if this relationship wasn't meant to be, why does his heart have to be right in the middle of my selfish actions?

I could've spared him pain. It was in my hands to shield him, to protect him. Now I feel so helpless.

Father, please, You know what I want so badly to know. And I need to know from You, because everyone else way back when, thought that I should hold my breath and jump in. They said I was just too paranoid of doing something wrong, and I needed to start taking chances. But I should've gone with my desires that no chance is worth taking at another's expense unless absolutely necessary. Daniel knew I was worried about hurting him, but I think he thought I got over that. Now he knows why I was stressing about it. Now he knows what confusions I'm going through, and now we're not together anymore because of it. God, Please, let me know either that I did the right thing or that You changed Your mind.

And God, Daniel deserves the absolute best that You can possibly give him. Please don't let him settle because he, like me, believes that any couple can make it together, as long as they keep their eyes on You and they're both dedicated to making it work. Your will is the only thing that can keep us apart, all other differences and troubles can be worked out as long as we're both willing. Everything is up to You. But I realized that I cannot play games with his heart; as long as there are doubts in my mind, I cannot commit, no matter how much I want to. Your will be done. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Broken heart, one more time

Pick yourself up, why even cry?

Broken pieces in your hands

You wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, you pray

"This can't be the way"

You cry, you say,

"Something's gotta change.

And mend this porcelain heart

Of mine"

Someone said a broken heart

Would sting at first then make you stronger

You wonder why this pain remains

Were hearts made whole just to break?

You know, you pray,

"This can't be the way"

You cry, you say,

"Something's gotta change.

And mend this porcelain heart

Of mine."

Creator, only You take brokeness

And create it into beauty once again

You know, you pray,

"This can't be the way"

You cry, you say,

"Something's gotta change.

And mend this poreclain heart

Of mine."

Creator

Mend this heart