They're Just Words....Misused, Overused, and Underused

It has been quite a while since I last wrote in here. However, as usual, these thoughts generally stay in my head for one reason or another, usually that they are not fully formulated until 11 p.m., and they do no one any good that way, especially not me. They make me lose sleep! Lord willing, they will do more good here than just allowing me a way to process. At least this blog will serve as a means to remind myself of learned lessons.

I think I have written a blog about this before, but the content will be different this time.

After getting married and moving to Harrisonburg, VA, my husband's hometown, getting our own place, and meeting new people, this issue has arisen several times. I never handle or explain it satisfactorily in person. My husband has spoken to our friends privately on my behalf, and they try to be respectful, but of course it is difficult when you don't really understand the motivation behind it.

I don't like cuss words, and it literally pains me to hear God's name thrown around with them. But it doesn't matter to...just about anybody else, at least not my age, not even most other Christians.

Here are my issues:

1. First and foremost, you don't honor someone by dishonoring their name. Would you use anyone else's name when you're swearing when you're not actually talking to them? For instance, my husband's name is Jared. I don't stub my toe and shout, "Jared Hodges!" or just narrowly miss a head-on collision and cry out, "OH MY JARED!" or ruin a cake and complain, "Jared dammit!" Ok, maybe if it was his fault the cake was ruined that would actually be something someone would say. But you see my point? Of course, in these instances you're probably laughing, because it just sounds awkward and silly! So why is it normal and "No big deal" to use "God", "Jesus Christ", and "Lord" in ALL of these ways? It's normal for a lot of people, because they either hate God, don't care about God, or don't even believe He exists, so who cares if His name is thrown around with swear words? But His name means something to me. If I hear people speaking negatively or horribly about my husband behind his back, that hurts me, too. It is my place to defend his name. If I join in with them, am I honoring my husband? Am I loving him? No! I am creating separation between us! Why in the world would I treat God's name any differently?

2. "Cuss words are just words." No word is just a word. Words have meanings...which is why they're useful! They are one of the main ways we communicate with each other! How we bring understanding between two different individuals! Now, I'm pretty sure that phrase is in reference to people who disapprove of cuss words because they're labeled as cuss words (cuss words, swear words, expletives...as kids we called them "bad words"). And if there were no other reason as to why they are found offensive, that would be a good enough case. But it's not. I, personally, have a couple reasons why I decided not to use them, and why I will encourage my children not to use them.

The first reason is because they are a negative stamp in my memory. Our home was not an expletive-free home. They weren't used in everyday conversations, and if my siblings or I were to use them, we were told they were "bad words", but that didn't stop my parents from swearing when the dishwasher broke, us kids wouldn't listen past the television, or the baby wouldn't stop crying. They were angry words. They were the extra-special angry words that showed up when mom or dad had lost their temper. And hey, they're human. They probably grew up hearing a lot of swearing, they both attended public school, so it was probably a habit they both picked up in younger years and chose to leave, at least after they had kids. However, even if they knew they weren't honorable words and didn't want to use them, when you lose control, they're still what slip out. Which is why I chose not to use them at all. Because if I decide to use them in normal conversations (hey, they're not angry or hurting anyone), they will wind up coming out should I lose my temper, and I have one of those lose!

Think about this: what words do you use more of when you're angry? I don't know anybody who swears less when they're mad. What does that tell me about the words? Why is this? What other words increase when you're mad? When I'm mad, I'm usually only thinking about one person: me. How they hurt me, how they're ignoring me, how they don't care about my feelings. If I let that kind of anger go, what do I do? I start trying to hurt them back. I call them names, like "Idiot", "Liar", "Fool", "Horrible Person". I'll tell someone who loves me that they never cared about me. None of this is helpful or useful language in anger. It doesn't work things out, it makes the other person more defensive, more angry, more hurt...That is the kind of anger that profanities multiply within.

Which brings me to the second reason I believe cuss words are simply negative. In the Bible, there's a verse that says,

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only
such [a word] as is good for edification (encouragement, uplifting, improving)
according to the need [of the moment,] so that it will give grace to those who hear."

Do I feel encouraged when someone says to me, "Fuck you"? Do I feel motivated to change my ways when I'm told to "Stop being such a bitch"? No. Quite the opposite. I either feel angry, more angry, hurt, or discouraged! 

Finally, the reason profanities also often annoy me: they're misused. All of them have meanings. I guess that's what makes them swear words, but if you ask me, that's part of why our vocabulary is devolving! On top of that, I find that swear words cause us to think less about what we are actually saying. "Damn it" or "Dammit" for example. This is used a lot of times when something goes wrong, like trying to beat your best time in a 100 yd. dash. You miss it by a half-second. "Damn it!" I consider this rather counterproductive, because you want your dash to go well. You want to run faster. But to "damn" something is to curse it! Why would you curse something you wanted to go well? Sure, sure, you're not superstitious. But my point is this: has it ever occurred to you what you're really saying? Same as when calling something, "Bad" meant it was good, or telling a friend you're happy with, "I hate you!" instead of "I love you!", even though that's what you meant. I see absolutely no benefit or honor in the phrase "mother-fucker", (I personally despise people referring to sex/making love as "fucking", it is such a degrading term for something so beautiful and sacred), because it is, quite literally, an appalling term (if you think about what it means). Those are just a few examples.

People don't understand why I even think this deeply about it, enough to care. I had to! Everyone who grows up knowing profanities as "bad words" is faced with the question, "Why? They're just words!" at some point. I know, I know, I was supposed to just accept the implied answer, not actually consider it and answer it in my own way. Oh well, what can I say? I was home-schooled :-P.