Anticipating the Outcome

There is no end in sight for the uncertainty. I trade off between worrying that I'm not doing something I'm supposed to, and anticipating how God is going to choose to provide for me. As it is, not only am I currently in need of a THIRD part-time job, but issues requiring money to fix keep popping up: I had to get the oil in my car changed and a tire fixed (nail), which, thankfully, the tires are still under 50% wear, so it was fixed for free (woohoo!); I need to flea bomb most of the house and take Happy to PetsMart for a bath, flea treatment, and claw clipping while the house is airing out; my laptop decided stop working again (3rd time in a year); I need a working tuner for the guitar I'm borrowing from my friend Philip; and my phone keeps randomly shutting down or restarting, even after I bought a new battery for it (46 bucks and it didn't work), and the only phone that caught my attention still costs around $150-200 after discounts and a rebate.

Thankfully, my dad has, thus far, been able to get my computer working again (still waiting for this 3rd time, but I'm optimistic -- God has blessed my Daddy where fixing things is concerned), my brother has a working tuner that I can use when I bring along my guitar, getting my tire fixed was free, and my phone is still working, I just have to check it to make sure it's still turned on -- it's not like it's shutting off every 5 minutes or anything. Plus, Dad said I should call/e-mail Sprint and ask if there is a software upgrade for my phone that might fix the problem; although when I checked the website, it didn't look like there were any updates. Another praise is that, even with having less than 15 hrs./wk at Curves some weeks last month, my second paycheck was still $285, so if I can consistently earn about that much per paycheck, rent + utilities(under $100) + wisely chosen groceries will all be covered. Wow. Plus the $20 gift card for Shoppers from my parents helped out this month tremendously! My goal is to never need the food pantry at church -- I know it's there, but I'd prefer not to take from those who may be even worse off than I am, and to be able to afford rent, because Happy can't stay at my parents'. Also, periodically being at my parents' for dinner helps cut back on groceries I need to buy, and then copyrighting for a friend helps cover a few other things, like my phone bill, and my Compassion responsibility, maybe more.

Thank you, to anyone who is or has prayed for me and all these uncertainties. I hope you are as excited as I am to see God work through all of this! God bless ~Marie~

Amazing Deeds in Righteousness

Rent: ~$470

Phone(Home + Cell): $88

Compassion: $46

Car insurance: ~$500/6mo.

Car care: $200 +/yr.

Food: ~$70

Gas: $90 +

Cat: ~$30

Personal care: ~$100

Total: ~$998/mo.

Income:

Curves: ~$468-540/mo. (gross)

IC - Marketing Letter Writer/Sender: $400 (max.)/mo. (gross)

Total Estimated Income (Gross): $940/mo. (max.)

Minus State and Federal taxes, that's........not enough.

I'm cutting corners where I can, but it's still not good enough. I have this issue where I just can't compromise on some things -- like monthly vitamins from Arbonne (the only thing that's kept me from having seasonal allergy issues for 3 years. I'm sorry, but I've enjoyed being so healthy!) Not to mention I need a gym membership (Dr. Ratcliffe's office is good for the time being -- something is better than nothing, but I can't train the way I prefer to, plus I can't do as much for my lower body strength due to my knees having issues w/ one of the machines), I like meeting people's needs, material and financial, and I can't do that with what I'm making. I also highly enjoy treating people to coffee/tea/lunch every now and again (usually monthly, sometimes as often as weekly). And while I've been able to cut back on Christmas shopping this year, I just couldn't cut EVERYONE out.

Then there's that at least one ski/snowboarding trip I DESPERATELY desire to go on (app. $180) in January. I'd LOVE to go on the West Coast trip as well, but that's another $1200 or so.

For the most part, I've actually been able to chill and know that God knows my needs (and I've continued to remind Him that savings are running out quickly and my income currently does not meet "my needs". Every now and again my financial responsibilities hit me all at once and it's hard to relax when I myself cannot answer the question: How am I going to do this? I guess the answer is, "You're not. God is."

Tonight was one of those overwhelming nights when I returned from a snowed-in weekend at my parents to find my cat, Happy, COVERED in flea poop. *GROSS!* And I just gave him a bath about 5 days ago, in addition to putting a flea collar on him (he won't let me spray him). My roommate, Angela, and I were talking about options -- all of which lead to the same end result: more money out of my pocket. I probably need to take Happy to the groomers and have them give him a bath, flea treatment, and nail clipping, and while he's there flea bomb/fog his room (storage room, attached to my bedroom), my bedroom, and one or both of the living rooms. Hence, Sambuca, aka liquid CHILL-OUT serum. Hold on while I refill my shot glass.

These two verses have been my assurance for the past few weeks since I noticed them:

"By awesome deeds in righteousness
You will answer us,
O God of my salvation."

-Ps. 65:8

and,

"Cast your burden on the LORD,

And He will sustain you;

He will never permit the righteous to be moved."

-Ps. 55:22

In addition to that, remembering Jesus' question to His disciples, "Where shall we go to buy bread to feed all these people?" (feeding of the 5,000), and how God used 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish to accomplish the task. Remembering that reminds me of the article I read in a Brio magazine years ago, of a teen missions' trip, where the same thing happened with their few left-over PB&J sandwiches. The teens asked their leader if they could hand out their left-overs to the starving group of people they were speaking with. The leader said, "Yes, but hide them under your shirts and pass them out quietly because there's not enough for everyone." There were about 100 people (give or take) (all malnourished/poor/starving), and about 3 or 4 left-over sandwiches. So they started passing them out a quarter of a sandwich at a time. Then the teens started returning to the leader saying, "I can't get rid of my last sandwich!" and the leader (who had been in somewhat of an irritable mood) said, "Just give it to someone! There're plenty of people here." And the teens replied, "But no one wants any more, they're all full!"

Instead of being worried or stressed, I should be excited! What in the world is God going to do about this?! It's not money out of my pocket, it's money out of God's pocket. I'm not, God is; I can't, God can. The possibilities are beyond my imagination -- I often find that regardless of how many possible ways I imagine God might choose to provide or answer, He usually...maybe even always chooses a method I didn't consider.

Besides, there's still money in my accounts, He doesn't need to "show me the money" until that's about to run out. I'd prefer (for my planning personality's sake) that He doesn't wait that long, but technically, I don't need to know how He's going to provide ahead of time. But the anticipation is driving me NUTS! It's like getting a surprise package 1+ weeks before Christmas that says, "Don't open until Christmas"!

So if you think of me, and have a moment or two, pray for God to be as amazing as He wants, and that I would be at peace while I wait to see how He will provide. Amen (let it be).