*hangs head in shame*

Of course you're right, Ani. And I guess you'd like to know that I did do something about it: I went to NOVA during my lunch break, spent 45 minutes waiting to talk to someone before they said I could sign up for classes on-line and didn't need to be waiting in the first place, tried signing up on one of their computers just to find out that it wouldn't let me so I had to continue waiting for another half hour-forty minutes, finally got my turn to talk to a counselor and found out there was a "hold" on my account because they still had me listed as under 18 and in high school, they got rid of that, the counselor told me the Italian class was full, she had just looked it up for someone else that day but decided to check again to make sure, found out the class that was full was one I didn't even know about and the one I wanted to take still had 12 openings, and she signed me up. *stops to catch breath* That is a horribly long run-on sentence, I have just embarrassed writers everywhere. Anyway. Last night my mom also told me that she was wrong and that classes didn't start until this week and I hadn't missed any after all. And guess where and when the class is being held? On the second floor of the building the RBC youth group meets in, and it's from 9:30-11:50 in the morning. My mom said the kids need to be at TECH at 8:45AM, and she doesn't have to be there until 11:30/11:45AM. Because of this class, I can take the younger kids in the van, go to my class, and she'll drive my car and come at 11:30/11:45AM and I'll take my car home when I leave.

Life goes on?

Life hates me, therefore it goes on...and on...and on andonandonandon.

*sighs* No, I don't hate everything that much. In fact I've got nothing I should complain about.
But I just found out that I'm not taking any classes this semester. I thought I was. I was actually excited to start. I gave my mom the names of the three classes I wanted to take and thought she had signed me up for them -- just like she did in the past. I found out today that she didn't, that I had to sign myself up, I had to talk to a counselor -- I said, "I only wanted to take three classes!" She said I had to find out how many classes I was allowed to take without taking a speech class. I didn't know any of this! Nothing was ever mentioned to me! How was I supposed to know? She was the one who signed me up for the ASL classes I took, I never had to talk to a counelor, I wasn't going for a degree, I didn't know they required you to take a speech class if you took a certain number of classes, why in the world did she suppose I did? And now it's too late! Classes have already started. I'm never going to learn Italian, or any other language for that matter, because I finally get around to taking them it doesn't work out and nobody will teach me, and I don't want to bug people about it! The one time I'm actually looking forward to taking classes and it doesn't work out. I don't want to wait a whole 'nuther semester! I wanted to start now, and I was finally able to! I don't want to wait anymore -- it's already gonna take me years to learn any language! Why does it have to take a whole 'nuther semester?!

I don't want to keep trying. I hate getting my hopes up, I hate getting really excited about anything because when I do it doesn't work out, and then it hurts and I hate my life. At least when I just go day-by-day without many expectations my life is enjoyable. I'm not ready to grow up, I'm not ready to take care of myself, I'm not ready for all this responsibility with money, and time, and priorities.

I feel abandoned by everybody.

There's one thing that's worth waiting for

And we talked about it in our office's Bible study this evening. We went in-depth into 1 Corinthians 7:1-(approximately)8/9.

I walked away with the thoughts, "God, I need help to change, I don't want to continue thinking the way I do, stumbling the way I do." And with these three/five things:

1. In a married relationship you should be able to confess to your spouse: hey, I'm attracted to this other person, I need your help, prayer and support in this area. My boss (who is married, btw) brought this up. We clarrified that, should such a thing need to be said, yes, it would hurt like anything, but you need to be able to work through that kind of thing because, when you break it down, she's still a girl, and he's still a guy. He said he and his wife periodically will even ask each other: hey, are you struggling in this area, are you attracted to someone else, do I need to be praying for you? (And noted that every time he gets a 'no' from her he's like 'Hallelujah! Yes!' But they're still aware that they need to help each other and be ready to work throught it and all that).

2. *Note from Dr. J.: Never deprive your spouse, except on mutual agreement, never (giving demonstrations of couples/married persons confiding in him about such a thing and he noticed that it always causes marriage problems.

3. In a Mate:

a.) First, do they submit to the Spirit?

b.) Second, are they grateful? and

c.) Thirdly, (and I quote Dr. J.) "Do ya got the burning?"

(The background for that quote being that, if you're not attracted to this person, you will despise this person, and it will not work)

It's Those Little Blessings

So, yesterday morning around 09:45 I my drive to Arlington, VA for my meeting with a representative of Banner College, which has a massage therapy program I wanted to learn more about. Before I left, I purposely found a route that avoided the tolls (not the toll road, but the toll part of it). So I started out, and everything was going ok. Well, the one road I was on was supposed to turn into 297 E., but I saw a sign that said 297 but I'm slow about noticing things, and so, unsure if that was where I was supposed to go or not, I took it. It was then that I realized that it said 297 W.. So I was like, "Ack! Darn it!" And then realized that this direction was taking me towards a toll booth. And there was no way to turn around. So I went through the toll and was frustrated because this meant I had to turn around and go through the toll again. So, I finally manage to get myself going the other direction, go through the toll, and after a while notice myself coming up to another one. I recognized the area. This was one of the tolls I had wanted to avoid. Not only that, but I knew I had to hit the other one as well. So not only did I have to go through the tolls, but I had to go through 4 as opposed to none, or even the two I had originally planned on avoiding. But I was finally on my way. The rest of the trip was ok until I got to Arlington where I made U-turns or a couple left turns to make a U-turn, at least 5 times. I never pin-pointed the exact building that the school was in, but I knew that it must be among a few certain buildings on this one particular corner. Also, I wasn't sure where to park, if there was a parking lot for the school, or if I had to pick a meter and park at it, and I was a half-hour late by this time, so I drove until I found normal parking, and tried to call home to get the phone number of the woman I was going to meet. I had forgotten to program it into my phone or take it with me on paper. No one answered at home, so I called my mom's cell phone, and found that it was off.

By this time I was so upset and frustrated and doing my best not to start bawling right there in my car. So I left that parking lot and headed back towards where the school was. But then I took a wrong turn on my way back because on my way I had taken one of those slight turns and wasn't sure if I had to go this way or that way to pass the buildings again, and I took "this way" and realized it was the wrong way. So I groaned, and when I realized I was pretty much heading away from the school again, I decided to just head home. I had no idea if the woman even had any more time because it was now about 40/45 minutes past the meeting time, and I still wasn't sure about parking, so yeah, I just kept heading away for home. I called my mom's phone again and left a message asking her to find the lady's phone number and call her for me and let her know I turned around due to many difficulties, and that maybe I'd set up another time or something when I got home. I was frustrated, and just got so upset because my trips to new places (especially city places) always seem to have some sort of trouble about getting there or back and I wondered, "Why can't these things ever go smoothly, and I get to where I need to be on time, and without U-turns?!" Plus, I had started out with half a tank of gas still left, and I had been hoping that it would last at least another half week to whole week, and all the driving around had used up more than a quarter of a tank of gas. I was like, "God, please make this gasoline last, I know You can; please let it last at least another half of a week."

Well, today, I was over it, I got over it yesterday and now it seems so far away. So when this happened I didn't even think about it until tonight when I was relaying this story to Joe Bumba and Christina at Bible study. Today, sometime in the middle of the afternoon my dad said that he wanted to go to Safeway so I needed to either move my car, or tell him where the keys were. So I told him where the keys were and he asked, "I can take it?" Making sure I understood that that's what he was going to do if I let him take the keys (as opposed to moving it for me and taking another vehicle). I nodded, I didn't care. Actually, it did cross my mind and I wondered, if he noticed that the tank was almost on empty, if he would fill it up for me? But I didn't care if he didn't, I was over it, was like, "Well, I don't have to drive far for work, it'll probably last at least two more days." and didn't think anything more of it.

So my dad comes home a couple hours later and as he walks by with his bags of stuff from the store, says, "Oh, I filled up your gas tank for you, the receipt is on your seat if you want to see it." Man, the LORD is watching over us, let me tell you. I was ok with everything, He didn't need to do that at all. But it was an amazing blessing that He did, just to let me know He had heard my prayer on Saturday, and said He felt like He'd go a little bit farther with His blessing than making the gas I had last longer. Now, if there are no surprise trips across the country or anything :-), I don't have to fill up for another week-and-a-half to two weeks. I am just...man, I am just speechless. I stand in awe.