What You Have is What You Give

I was reminded of something Rita Davenport, President of Arbonne International, once said during a recorded training call: "You can't give encouragement and support if you don't feel good about yourself." Jesus said something similar, both to the Pharisees, and to His disciples: "....For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." (Matt. 12:34, Luke 6:45).

You can't give what you don't have, and you can't take it from a place that's "out of stock". But God has an unlimited supply of everything good, and He gives liberally to all who seek and ask.

I'm drawn to Arbonne International for this reason: it's like "a personal development company disguised as a skincare company." It is full of joyful and encouraging men and women that I absolutely love to be around; and although Arbonne is not a "Christian" company, I have heard God given credit and thanks on so many occasions, there has even been prayer before some of the meetings, and I just recently found out that there is an Arbonne prayer team. You can tell where many of them get their joy! But I also found out, that these optimistic people will keep their distance somewhat from those "Debbie Downers" or "Wendy Whiners". They won't avoid them, and they'll even give encouragement out of the abundance of their hearts, but they don't stick around a pessimist too long. Why? Because they know that attitude is contagious, and they don't want to get sick.

Talk to any of them, and they'll all tell you the same thing: your attitude is a choice. I realized how this must be true, but it sure seemed out of my control "in the moment." No matter how much I willed it, if any situation turned bad, I was put in a bad mood, and well, as my Mom wrote in my baby book, "When she's happy, everybody's happy. When she's not....neither is anybody else." I went partially through a self-improvement course one time, and one part of it mentioned how so many misunderstandings happen because we assume, or imagine the worst, and cause it to come about. Someone says something to us, sometimes as simple as, "No, I can't come," and we start imagining every possible reason why not, and they're all bad: "They're mad at me....They don't like me anymore....They probably had friends over and didn't invite me...." Just to find out that the tone in their voice was annoyance that their parents wouldn't take them, but they had really wanted to come, so it had come out sounding as though the harshness were directed at us. But all of a sudden, a friendship is severed or injured, because we assumed the worst, and either avoided that friend, or burst out in anger at them the next chance we got. So the workbook encouraged the readers to STOP! whenever they caught themselves on this downward spiral of thought, and to force ourselves to think of any possible good reason our friend could have for responding in the manner they did. "Innocent until proven guilty." Especially when it's a friend. If they're a friend, it will be worked out, and maybe they were having a bad day and didn't mean to upset you, or speak to you the way they did. Or maybe they were preoccupied with something when it seemed they were ignoring you, and they just didn't see you wave or hear you call out to them.

The Bible says, "Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins," (Proverbs 10:12) and "He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends." (Proverbs 17:10). Why do we assume the worst about even our friends? Everyone will let us down, offend us, and hurt us at some point in our life -- and we'll do the same to all our friends. Why are we so ready to destroy our friendships over perfectly repairable trials or misunderstandings? We want to protect ourselves, but hurt is all we'll ever get. "He whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 16:25). I've learned that this verse is true not only in proclaiming or denying Christ, but really in any situation where we seek, by our own understanding (or misunderstanding), to save ourselves for fear.

Even when our first negative assumptions turn out to be accurate, if our "friend" really has turned on us, there may still yet be a way to save the friendship, or at least to leave it better off, praying for our friend and knowing that we tried to mend matters, but their heart still needs to be changed, and not to leave bitter, jaded, and muttering curses as we stomp away. "A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth, But the soul of the unfaithful feeds on violence. He who guard his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction." (Proverbs 13:2-3). "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up strife."

I had to learn how to let go and still respect authorities when I felt they were not acting respectably, and how to see my own faults in my reactions, even if I truly was wronged. I'll let you know when I've got this down pat ;-). I have the ability to make things worse, or to make things better, all in how I respond in word and in deed. And if I ever want to see a change for the better in someone else, I must first let God change me. "A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention." I can allay contention by being slow to anger. By studying how I should answer (Prov. 15:28), and then praying that God would guide and guard the conversation (Prov. 16:1), I could save a friendship, if the friend is also willing. But I never would have succeeded without all those hard nights of intense prayer. All good things come from God, and I can't give what I don't have, including, but not limited to, forgiveness, wisdom and patience.

There must've been a reason we first got together

There must've been a reason we used to talk forever

It's hard to see it now,

'Cause it's easier to think of what went wrong

I could keep pointing fingers

I could stay mad as heck

Just let my anger linger

But the last time that I checked

I've just got to let it go

If I want to move on

So I'll think about how you made me laugh

Not think about how you made me cry

Think about how we both swore

We'd love each other 'til we died

Forget about who's to blame

And just remember your smiling face

Yeah, it's a choice I've had to make

So I'll think of you that way

Seems like I paint you now in colors of forgiveness

I've lost the pain somehow, and in it's place there is this

Part of me that sees you in the light

I saw you in before

So I'll think about how you made me laugh

Not think about how you made me cry

Think about how we both swore

We'd love each other 'til we died

Forget about who's to blame

And just remember your smiling face

Yeah, it's a choice I've had to make

So I'll think of you that way