Ace of Immortality

There is not a moment of struggle that I can remember music not helping in some way. Classical/Instrumental is amazing when I just need to be still and release every weight from my shoulders. But most often it's the lyrics which affect me the most.

I remember a day when I was furious at my Dad for restricting my internet time to 15 lousy minutes. We had dial-up, and most of those minutes would be taken up waiting for pages to load. I stomped off to my bedroom and plopped on my bed, fuming. I turned on the radio. The very next song to play was Happy Girl by Martina McBride.

"I used to live in a darkened room

Had a face of stone, and a heart of gloom

Lost my hope, I was so far gone

Crying all my tears, with the curtains drawn

I didn't know until my soul broke free

I've got these angels watching over me and

Oh, watch me go,

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing

That you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl"

At first I scowled, fighting the reproof. Then, I started laughing -- the absurdity of being angry over something so small! I could take it, or leave it.

Ask me to describe a particular time in my life, I can probably answer with the lyrics that affected me most during that time. I think that's why I love country music so much, I love the way they're written in story form.

"'Cause they're songs about me

And who I am

Songs about lovin' and livin'

And good-hearted women

And family and God

Yeah, they're all just

Songs about me

Songs about me."

Like all secular music, there is the "bad country music", but I find more songs about faith, about persevering than I do in most other secular music. I find more love songs that express a deep and devoted and enduring love to a spouse than in most music. The men are men, strong, capable, there for their woman. The women are women, strong, capable, there for their man. But, in the end, any genre of music can affect me significantly. I'm not picky about the genre, really, just lyrics.

Right now, as I go through the uncertainty of where the money for my bills and food is going to come from, I find myself returning, again and again, to the song "My All in All". It reminds me of God's promise to provide what I need, and He has this habit of blessing above and beyond need. And "above and beyond" is not usually what I think or expect. I returned from Lancaster, Pennsylvania thinking that God would provide a good, stable job by sometime in October, 2009, when I moved into a house with three other women. In November I started working at Curves (a women's gym), part time. They had stated that it would be about 15 hours a week, and that it would be no problem establishing a set schedule for me so that I could easily work in another part time job. The hours ranged from 7-17/week, often closer to 10-12/week, at very low pay, and the days and times kept changing week to week, month to month. Then, in December, a friend of mine presented me with the job offer of querying publishers and agents for him, up to 10 hours/week. I decided it was worth a try, though I'd never done anything of the sort before. That wound up often being less than 10 hours/week; not by any fault on his part, I'd just never worked from home before, nor spent so much time in front of the computer screen, so it was hard to stay focused and diligent for hours on end.

I was getting by, drawing a lot on my savings for whatever amount I wasn't making with my two jobs. I kept praying, knowing I either needed one full-time job, or one more part time job, but I couldn't think of a single part time job that would be flexible enough that I wouldn't have to give up one of my other jobs. Again, I thought God would provide me a dependable, solid part time job somewhere as my third job.

In the middle of January, a woman that I had trained one-on-one in the past, before moving to Lancaster, called and said she had a job proposition for me. She said that she needed to have surgery on her shoulder, and for six to eight weeks after the surgery, she wouldn't be able to use her right arm at all. She asked me if I'd be able to be her right arm, starting February 1st, for those six to eight weeks, possibly more, depending on how well and fast she healed, and they'd pay me for my services. She said it would probably be between 20 and 40 hours a week. Amazed at God's provision, I readily accepted. March 1st I started working for Lucille, after her surgery had to be postponed due to a potential heart issue. By that time, I had cut back on hours at Curves to make room for my hours helping Lucille, and I was nearing the end of the first project for my friend John, so those hours were few, and we had two big blizzards in the first two weeks of February. Actually, two blizzards in one week.

Now, I have two inspections due on my car, a fan belt that probably needs to be replaced, and rear brakes that probably need to be replaced, an extra-high utility bill on top of my usual rent, just paid my car insurance for the next six months, I need to take my cat in for a check-up (since I haven't taken him in since I got him from his previous owners), and....oh yeah, and I've apparently lost 3 1/2 lbs. of muscle from lack of getting to a gym due to attempting to save gas and not being able to afford a membership to a gym close to my home. So far, God has blessed me with a good-sized tax refund, a gift card to Coldstone, Lucille provides my lunch while I'm over at her house, I know a couple of people who have said they're willing and able to fix the brakes and fan belt, and I've been able to carpool a few times which helps save a little bit of gas. Oh yeah, and my former boss has given me permission to continue working out at the office gym for free, the hard part is getting there. But the office is on my way home from Lucille's and Curves, which means I should be able to work out again and on a more consistent basis. In addition to all this, God has granted me peace, perseverance, and strength. All in all, He is providing for me.

I don't know what's going to happen in six to eight weeks or so when Lucille no longer needs my assistance, but either I can trust God, or I can't, and obviously, I can. As much as I like to plan ahead and to have everything worked out ahead of time, I'm excited to see what my All in all will do. "By awesome deeds in righteousness You will answer us, O God of my salvation."

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my All in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel

Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool

You are my All in all

Jesus, Lamb of God,

Worthy is Your name

Jesus, Lamb of God,

Worthy is Your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising again I bless Your name

You are my All in all

When I fall down, You pick me up

When I am dry, You fill my cup

You are my All in all

Jesus, Lamb of God,

Worthy is Your name

Jesus, Lamb of God,

Worthy is Your name.