Oh the wonderful cross

"When I survey the wonderous cross

On which the Prince of glory died

My richest gain I count but loss

And pour contempt on all my pride

Oh, the wonderful cross

Oh, the wonderful cross

Bids me come and die

And find that I can truly live

Oh, the wonderful cross

Oh, the wonderful cross

All who gather here

By faith draw near, and bless Your name"

Lord, how do I speak up for You? How do I make a difference in this world? This life is so short, "whether we live to be 100, or 16." I feel like no one will listen, no matter how passionate, sincere, or knowledgeable You make me. I feel like my life is a waste because only those who already believe in and follow You see what You have taught me as anything more than, "well, that's great for you, but..." Like for Justin's brother, did anything I said or did make any difference, or did I rely on myself all those times and they weren't really Your words? I feel like I'm worthless to You because I'm just the "good girl" who doesn't ever do anything wrong and can't see where anyone's coming from, or this is all I know and...and it frustrates me. I wish I could make people care. I wish I could make Justin care, I wish I could make Megan care, I wish I could make Chris care, I wish I could make Traci care...God it breaks my heart to know that I can't. I can't make anybody love You; I can't make anyone know You; I can't...I can't do anything but stand by and watch so many people that I care so deeply about just...insist there's a better way for them.

How do You do it, God? How do You not die of a broken heart? How can You bear to watch all these people You love go about their lives not caring that someone died for them -- wouoldn't bat an eye if You died a million deaths for them? Why don't they care? They don't care how much they hurt You, but they'll raise all havoc if they get hurt. They don't care how hard a life Jesus lives, but theirs had better be perfect or something's wrong.

How do You still have enough love left for me after I've wandered so many times? How can You still want to give me "good" things and do good things for me?

Why don't we care like we ought to?