Yesterday is a promise that you've broken

Her eyes were troubled. With a small sigh he took her hand and leaned in close.
"Don't kiss me," she whispered hanging her head in shame, thinking of her weakness and failures.
"Why not?" he asked. She fought to control her voice.
"Because you deserve so much more; someone stronger," she answered.
"But you need to know that God wants so much more for you. You need to know that you are loved in spite of yourself and your efforts to prove you're a waste of time. I'm not going to let you believe that anymore. I'm going to love you. Look at me," he said. Speechless, she looked up, overwhelmed by his words. Softly he kissed her, once, twice, and three times.
She burst into tears. How could this be? He knew what she was tangled up in, he knew where she had stumbled! She had no idea anyone cared that much for her. She thought she could never have such love until she was fixed, and she had started to give up on the possibility that she had what it took to be fixed. She had started to believe that the only thing she could do was settle for the fake love that had been presented to her.
She burried her face in his shoulder and hugged him. With Him and His love with her, beside her, for her, she could change into that "someone stronger." She couldn't do it alone, no, but with Him -- she was not alone.

God, help me again to respect my parents. They may mess up, and they may not deserve it, but You do. Someone mentioned today that they weren't sure what parents were there for besides birth and caring for for 18 years. I don't know how serious of a statement that was, I hope he knows that they're supposed to be there for so much more, but I'm not sure -- there are very few good examples. But what I think of is Christina and her parents. She missed a trip to the beach with a group of people including her best friend to spend it with her parents because it was the last weekend before she returned to college. How many people want to do that? So many struggling families, so many broken, so many lost.

God, I get frustrated every now and then. I work so much and face so many demands -- more so since Preston's gone -- and then I come home and face even more demands to help around the house, and then face frustration or disappointment when I'm gone on weekends hanging out with friends who just want to be with me, because I can't seem to remember to call home (which I know does need to change) and because I'm "hardly ever home." And then whenever I'm home early from work my mom gets slightly worried about that meaning I'll struggle even more financially (which I'm really not struggling in so much as it seems sometimes) and she says I should think about getting a better paying job and...and I can't take it. I can for a while, but You know very well the times I break. I know her worry is because she cares, and I want to respect that. And I know that whenever I'm out with friends she wishes I were home "hanging out" with my family, but I have no desire to go home to a bunch of people watching T.V., or know that when I am home on weekends no one expresses any desire to spend quality time with me. Doesn't she understand that me being home isn't good enough? Doesn't she realize that it takes more than that? I know it's hard, and right now, yes, I'd rather be out, because there's so much lost to be regained and it won't be regained overnight or over a weekend. I guess she's where I get my, "I just want to get it done A.S.A.P. Get it, got it, good," kind of approach to life. But I'm trying to learn how to break things down into steps, as tedious as that is right now, because I realized that some things need to take time -- will take time. She expects us to be best friends just because we're mother and daughter, and because she wants that.

There's a lot in life to be learned, and not enough time to learn it all, because the more you learn the more you don't know, so we need to do the best with what time we've got. People will hurt us, have hurt us, and haven't asked for our forgiveness, but we begin to attempt to mend bridges that have been burned because God first mended the bridge we burned between He and ourselves before we ever asked Him to.