I think of them, and my heart aches

I've been thinking about some things deeply, recently. Money, my role, heaven, and the state of hearts.

There's so much on my mind, I don't know if I can really write it all down -- haha, not when I have to get up in the morning.

I just saw The Bucket List tonight at regal. They danced around the subject of faith as our society does these days, "Life's gotta have purpose, all you need is faith, find what really matters in life." you know? without leaving any real answers as to what you need to have faith in - they didn't even give wrong answers. It presented the idea that living a good life is what matters -- dying with your eyes closed and your heart open, surrounded by loved ones.
I thought of the place in, I think it's Isaiah, where God told the Israelites He despised their feasts, their tithes, offerings, and sacrifices. They were missing the point. The point wasn't to just do these things. I wonder how many churches/Christians God would say that same thing to: "I despise your holidays, your tithes and offerings and your church attendance." Many days I hear the same thing, "I go to church, I pray every now and then, I give to the poor, God must be happy." I've heard the same said about me, "You're a good person, a moral person."

Hm...it strikes me just now: how many people do you think out there can you call "too sensitive"? If you look at the way people treat beliefs, you'll see most people would be called, "too sensitive." I see the way non-believers and many believers talk about faith -- they tiptoe, practically tip-toe dance on the subject because so many of us (mankind -- ooooh, is that politically correct?) are practically putting our feet in places to be stepped on just so we can raise a fuss and make that person look like a clutz and inconsiderate person.

My role: I want to stir people up from the inside out. I want to see real faith, like Jesus talked about, in myself and in others. I want to sing with a piano and show off the Lord and what He's done for me. I would like to make a difference in the lives of celebrities before they die of alcoholism or drug overdoses at the age of 20-30somethin'. I want to make a difference in the lives of those struggling to get by. I want to do something for the kingdom of God. I want to marry the man God told me I would. But even if I don't, I want to serve the Lord. I don't want to be the one saying, "Somebody should do something about that." I can't do something about everything, but I want to do something. I want to be a mother to the world, to take care of people, comfort, build up, support...

Lord, You are leading me in the way I should go. Sometimes I wish You'd lay all Your plans out before me, let me have a good idea of how things will unfold. I need Your help to be content on simply taking it by the next step. In Jesus' name I pray all these things, Amen.