I'll bring You more than a song

So, it is done at last. I believe that was one of the most amazing performing experiences I've experienced so far. How amazing is it when you can forget your fears because God wants you to! I knew He wanted me to, I knew what He wanted me to sing, I didn't really know what He wanted me to say. Until I was in the bathroom and He reminded me what and why I was singing. And then I knew what I would say.

There was much clapping, shouts, and whistles when the man announced that I was singing next -- not surprising considering half of the people there were people I knew :-). The man had a little something to say about everyone before me, but he didn't know me, so I assumed it would just be an introduction. He still had something to say, though, especially when half the room errupted into cheering. "This next performer, I must admit, I don't know. She signed up as "Marie B," *friends begin cheering loudly* I cracked up and looked at Philip, who was the one who actually signed me up (for some reason I found it funny that he didn't sign my whole last name as well). As I walked up and my friends continued to cheer, the man said, "Oh, you know her?" Joshua answered sarcastically, "No, not at all." and laughed. The announcer (I never did learn his name, if you couldn't tell) said, "Ok, at least someone does!"

And so I introduced my first song, "Heart of Worship," it being symbolic to me that it's not about me at all. As long as it brings Him glory, that's all that matters. I mentioned how I often, in the past, if I made a mistake while performing it was a big deal to me; but my friends and family who were there watching, either didn't notice, or didn't care -- they still declared that I'd done a phenominal job. They don't care if I missed a word, or a beat -- it doesn't matter to them. "I actually sang it in the bathroom to remind myself that I'm singing to bring Him glory, and as long as it brings Him glory, nothing else matters." I forgot to mention (but it doesn't matter, I just realized it afterwards) that I was going to sing it accapella (lol, if indeed Philip spelled that word right...or that I'm even remembering how he spelled it, it doesn't look correct, though), and that that was also symbolic that one big thing for me has always been finding music to sing with. That I wanted to sing it without music (that works better, I know I spelled that right) to remind myself that it's not about the music either, and that what God really cares about is the heart behind the music and the song. "For a song in itself is not what You have required."

The second song I sang, "Thoughts of You" by Barlowgirl, meant a lot to me because I've often gotten discouraged because I couldn't write a song for my Lord that measured up -- it just wasn't good enough, I just couldn't express everything I feel for my God, no matter how much I wanted to. It reminds me that, sometimes, few and simple words say so much more than many eloquent words do. And, because many or all of you probably haven't heard this song, I'll write the lyrics here. It's a beautiful song, and I cannot express to you how awesome it was to have that opportunity to sing God a love song in front of all those people -- to let them see the tremendous love I have for Him.

"Thoughts of You,

And how You've changed me

Fill my mind

Without You, where would I be?

So even though I've tried to express my thanks

It never comes out how I hoped

I want to say so much more

So with these simple words, I'll try

I love You

My heart is Yours,

All Yours, yeah

I long to give You all of me,

My everything

My everthing

God I never could repay You,

You gave everything

Without You, where would I be?

You still loved me even when I

Pushed You away

You stood there and waited

'Til the day I'd return

So even though I've tried to express my thanks

It never comes out

I want to say so much more

So with these simple words, I'll try

I love You

My heart is Yours,

All Yours, Jesus

I want to give You all of me,

Oh -- I love You

I love You, my

My heart is Yours,

All Yours

I long to give You all of me,

My everything

My everything...

Thoughts of You, and how You've changed me

Fill my mind...."

I would also like to rave about how God has greatly blessed me this week: between CrisB's comment which let me know that, even when I forget whose witness I am bearing and focus on myself, He can always still use it for His glory. He knew that's what I, in my heart, wanted to do with this blog, and He blessed that desire, even when I lost sight of it. Thank you, CrisB, for your comment, I am so glad that this has meant something to you, and I pray that I can continue to encourage you in your faith, and that the Lord would bless you greatly and keep you focused on Him and what really matters. Also, as I sat with my bosses' three boys for dinner on Thursday night (after 3 hours of tag in the court (most of that game spent with the youngest on my back insisting I run, not walk), tag on the 8ft in diameter trampoline, and tickle monster and hide-and-seek in the basement) 4-year-old Gabe said, "I like it when you come over, Marie." "Why?" I asked. "Because we get to do fun stuff," Justin replied. *warm feeling inside* It was nice to hear, although I know they don't lead boring lives -- their daddy has more energy than I ever will, and I know they do fun stuff with him, and I'm sure their mom does stuff with them, although probably less roudy, and I know they adore both their parents. So they're not exactly fun deprived. Oh, but I just wanted to hug them so tightly! And 10-year-old Luke considers me good competition in the games we play -- Star Wars, tag, dodgeball, and the like, which I just have to thank God for because I'm such a girl it's probably hard for any of you to imagine me even participating in these games; and this particular day, after running around with Gabe on my back for a while I said, "Ok, time to play a non-asthmatic kind of game." (or something along that line). Luke heard me wrong, and adamantly declared, "I am not playing a non-Marie game!" *sighs* Soon enough, though, I will no longer be competition to him. Well...I suppose I could do something about that, which would be a good idea, because Rebekah and I decided we weren't going to be the mom's standing on the sidelines watching the children and dads playing.

Anyway, so yeah. It's been a nice change of events for me this past week.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention -- I feel kind of weird because I, for once, didn't let the Devil speak to me last night or this week before the performance. I mean, I remember that some usual discouraging thoughts tried to enter my mind, the Devil even tried, "Why don't you forget the whole thing and just stop here at this shopping center and have some alone time?" but...they never actually got to my mind, it was the strangest (but an amazing) thing. In fact, at the one thought (which accured as I was on my way to the church), was even counteracted with this vision of the aftermath of such a decision: Joshua, Joseph, and Philip would say, "Where were you? You never showed up!" Philip would say, "Yeah, I even signed you up!" I'd say, "I decided to take some alone time instead." Oh yeah, that would make up for it! (note the sarcasm). Indignation rose inside of me when I thought of it, "That would be rude and inconsiderate! I'm appalled you'd even suggest that!" Yes, this is where my opposite personality traits kick in. It was really quite funny. So that's what it's like to overcome that evil with good! :-D