I'm still holding out for you

You know those times in your life where so many littlish things have built up that all of a sudden one little thing just makes you explode? Yeah, now's one of those times for me. Well, a few minutes ago, anyway. I wanted to take a shower tonight, and I was planning on taking one at around 10:00pm (that's when I remembered I wanted to take one) and then I'd get into bed by 10:30pm. Well, my brother C.J. was pondering on whether he wanted to take a shower tonight or if he wanted to wait until morning. So I said he should take it tomorrow, and he gave a reason why he didn't want to to do that, so I was like, "So take one tonight, but make it fast." He was like, "Why?" I said, " 'Cause I don't want to take one in the morning!" Well, he ended up taking one, saying he would be really fast. 50 minutes later he was out of the bathroom. I was already tired at 10, then my laptop decided to be stupid and slow up/freeze so I restarted it and then had to shut it down and then restart it and I wanted to go to bed but I had stuff I wanted to get done on my computer first and I was already close to tears from exhaustion and frustration; I just blew up. "C.J.!" (after he told me he had just gotten out). He was like, "What?! The water's fine!" (I had mentioned how I wasn't sure if I'd have enough hot water if he took a shower first). "I WANT TO GO TO BED!" (C.J.)"The water's fine!" (Me)"I WANT TO GO TO BED! I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TAKE A SHOWER NOW!" And my eyes just overflowed so fast, I just lay down and cried. Cried because I was so busy I barely had enough time to get a decent amount of sleep, let alone just lay down or sit down and breath and lean my head on the Lord's shoulder and enjoy His company; cried because getting a loan to get a car just doesn't seem to be working out and it's really frustrating; cried because I've lost what could've been a good friend and I believe I could've prevented this loss; cried because I've practically lost my friendship with Andrew over something not worth losing such a good friend over and I wonder how or if it can actually be rebuilt; cried because my computer wasn't working; cried because I was tired and frustrated that I hardly ever have the time to even take a shower right now. I miss my porch time. Those wonderful hours spent sitting on my front porch with coffee, Bible, notebook/journal or nothing at all and literally spending time with God one-on-one, singing, writing, talking to Him...

Pray for me? Encourage me?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And lean not on your own understanding

In all your ways acknowledge Him

And He will direct your paths."