My boss said something that was amazing to me, and a great comfort: he was telling us about some hard things that are going on in his life having to do with the business, and told us about an old partner he had had who had done some bad things or whatever, and so he got out of the practice and the guy sued him. And my boss said, "God led me to him, to him!" And he said the same thing about the current situation: "God led me to this place." You know, I asked why I had to fall like I did, why didn't I listen to the Lord? All this could've been avoided. I'm such a horrible person, I feel like I'm about as faithful as a harlot, all guys should stay away. I leaned on my own understanding, which was, "God, how can I walk away when he's going through such a hard time?" Instead of listening to the Lord telling me, "Get away, Marie, this isn't where I want you to be -- I didn't give your heart to him, don't try and take it from the one I did." In our weakness He is strong. If only I had trusted in His strength and not my own! But, then again, would I ever have met his friend Joshua and all the others? Would I have realized the deep loneliness I didn't know I felt? Would I have started trying to renew the friendship with a very great and dear friend I felt I might've lost forever? Would I have started trying to talk to and confide in those close friends of mine whom I know I can trust and I know they genuinly care about me? Would I ever have learned to play poole? Would I ever have learned how to have fun bowling? God led me to this place.

I almost wish I could put all the blame on him, though, because that would mean I hadn't failed. But I did. I made some descisions and now I must pay for the consequences. But, because he can't take all the blame, it means he's not such a horrible person. As Chonda Pierce (a Christian comedian) said in one of her performances, "...he's a human being, just like you and me." But I also learned that I can't take all the blame upon myself. The truth is, I genuinly cared about his feelings and what he was going through, and then one day he disappears and soon after I'm told it was all an act. And that hurts; it really, really hurts. But by the love and grace of God the sun will not go down on my anger. What blame is his is between him and the Lord, and the Lord will deal with him as he sees fit. I'm praying that he will find mercy and allow the Lord to draw him closer. I pray that for both of us -- I need the Lord's mercy as well. And I pray that God would peel away the things of this world that are keeping us from being closer to Him, as hard as it will be to let Him do that -- it is never easy to really let go of ourselves.

"And even though I feel so lonely

Like I have never been before

You never said it would be easy,

But You said You'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow

I will hold tight to the hand of Him who's love will comfort me

And even when I'm wounded in the battle

He is all the strength that I will ever need

He will carry me

He will carry me."

"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose...

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of god, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written:

'For Your sake we are killed all day long;

We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.'

Yes in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Can I get an "Amen"! I will hold tight to the hand of Him who said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you," and who is "faithful and just to forgive us our sins" because He is the only one that can be counted on to never lie to, use, or walk away from me. Amazing love, how can it be, that Thou, my God, shouldts stay with me?